Domestic abuse is a serious issue, and it's important to understand what it is and how to get help.
The UK Government's definition of domestic violence is:
“any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality”.
This means abuse can take many forms. It's not just physical violence. Here are some examples. Abuse can encompass, but is not limited to:
- Physical abuse: This includes any kind of physical violence, like hitting, pushing, shoving, kicking, or throwing things at you.
- Sexual abuse: This includes any unwanted sexual contact, like being pressured into sex, sexual assault, or rape.
- Financial abuse: This is when someone controls your money or finances. They might stop you from working, take your money, or control how you spend it.
- Coercive control/emotional abuse: This is a pattern of controlling and manipulative behavior. It can include things like isolating you from friends and family, constantly criticizing you, making you feel worthless, monitoring your movements, or telling you what to wear. Coercive control is a crime in the UK.
- Digital/online abuse: This includes things like cyberstalking, sending abusive messages online, controlling your social media accounts, or sharing intimate images without your consent.
- Honour-based violence: This is a form of abuse that is committed in the name of "honour," often against women and girls.
- Forced marriage: This is when someone is forced to marry against their will.
- Female genital mutilation (FGM): This is the practice of cutting or altering female genitalia for non-medical reasons. This is illegal in the UK.
Who does it effect?
- Domestic abuse and violence can be experienced by anyone, irrespective of age, gender, sexuality, ethnic group, social status or financial income.
- While anyone can be a victim some groups are disproportionately affected. For example, women are more likely to experience some forms of abuse.
- People who experience multiple forms of discrimination, such as Black, Asian or minority ethnic background (BAME) women, disabled people, and LGBTQ + individuals may face additional barriers in getting help. For example, those from LGBTQ+ community may face abuse from family members who are hostile to their sexuality or gender identity.
You can find out more about this by visiting SafeLives: Who are the victims of domestic abuse?
How do I know if my relationship is healthy?
It can sometimes be difficult to tell if a relationship is unhealthy or abusive.
Here are some signs of a healthy relationship:
- You feel treated with respect, no matter where you are or who you are with
- Your partner is proud of your achievements
- They keep encouraging you to keep trying, even when things are difficult
- They share your activities or interests
- They respect your "no" and your disagreement
- They give you compliments and speak to others positively about you
- They have their own friends and interests
Here are some signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship:
- Your partner puts you down in front of others
- They control you by making you feel guilty
- They demand attention and become abusive or ignore you if you don't give it
- They make you feel guilty for spending time with other people
- They don't trust you and accuse you of lying and cheating
- They make threats or do things to scare or physically harm you
- They make you feel responsible for their happiness and wellbeing
- They constantly want to know where you are and monitor you phone and social media
Where can I find help?
It can be hard to realize you're in an abusive relationship. If you're worried about your relationship or think you might be experiencing abuse, there are many resources available to help.
I’m worried about another student who might be a victim of domestic abuse
If you're concerned about another student at King's, you can submit a form through our internal Student of Concern procedure. This allows students and staff to raise concerns about a student's welfare. You can also use this form to refer yourself. Student of Concern procedure.
What happens once I submit a Student of Concern form?
Specialist staff in the Student Support and Wellbeing Service will review your form. They will contact the student you're concerned about and offer support. For more information about this, you can refer to our article I'm concerned about a student/peer.
The Counselling & Mental Health Support Service offers free and confidential counselling and mental health support to students, both online and in person.
If I speak with university services, will everything I say be confidential?
Anything you share with university support services will be treated sensitively and with confidentiality. However, depending on your situation, they may need to involve other services, such as emergency services, to ensure your safety.
For more information, please refer to When I share information with a student support service, is this kept confidential?
Togetherall: online mental health support
King's College London subscribes to a safe and anonymous online service called Togetherall that you can use if you are feeling down, feeling anxious, or just want someone to talk to. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and can be accessed on any device with an internet connection.
Find out more about Togetherall and how to access the service in our article Mental health support from Togetherall.
The King's College London Student Union (KCLSU) also have information and resources which can help you or a loved one:
Helplines you can contact
There are a number of organizations you can contact that are specifically trained to support and advise victims of domestic abuse:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Run by Refuge, The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is open 24 hours a day, and provides support and guidance for potential victims of domestic abuse, and for those who have concerns about friends or a loved one. Call 0808 2000 247.
Refuge also have a contact form that can be used to schedule a call at a time that’s most convenient for you.
Women’s Aid has a live-chat service and an online Survivors’ Forum. They also provide useful information on the support helplines available in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. You can also find your local domestic abuse service on their website.
The Men’s Advice Line is a confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse or anyone worried about a loved one who may be a victim of domestic violence. Call 0808 8010327.
Run by Galop the National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse specialist helpline can be accessed by members of the LGBT+ community or anyone worried about a loved one who might be victim of domestic violence. Call 0800 999 5428.
Southall Black Sisters offer specialist support, advocacy and information to Asian and Afro-Caribbean women suffering abuse. Call 020 8571 0800.
Stay Safe East provides specialist and holistic advocacy and support services to disabled victims and survivors of abuse. Text or call 07865340122.
The NSPCC helpline is available for advice and support for anyone with concerns about a child. Call 0808 800 5000.
You can find the full list of helplines for victims of domestic abuse on at Gov.uk: Domestic abuse: how to get help.
Online resources available for you to access
There are many online resources available for you to access at a time that suits you.
Refuge has useful online resources, that include:
Written by survivors of domestic violence, Chayn provides a wide range of online resources ranging from:
- Tips on how to detect and handle abuse
- Support to for helping a loved one at risk of domestic violence
The NSPCC has issued bespoke guidance for spotting and reporting signs of abuse, alongside a useful guide on how best to support a child who feels unsafe at home and wants to talk to someone.
